(VIDEO) Jordan Peterson's Rule 5: Spank or Not, Don't Raise Brat Kids
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Strap Up or Don't Raise Brat Kids
Balance Discipline with Love
'Likeable' Kids Win in Life.
Smacked as a Child. Didn’t End Up in Jail. Cheers, Mum!
Welcome to Jordan Peterson’s Rule 5: Don’t Let your children do anything that makes you dislike them. If you don’t want kids, STRAP UP BUD because it doesn’t sound like a walk in the park.
I was a hyper-active little shit. I punched my 3 month old sister’s guts out of jealousy, jumped out of windows …I still remember my mum’s wooden spoon and Roger Federer-like backhand as I got my ass whooped.
But Chapter 5 helped me make sense of my childhood and albeit, appreciate the discipline I received.
One day, if Jason Silva texts me back, I’d love to have kids, but for now, this gave me a lot of food for thought. The main theme of this chapter is about parental responsibility, to mould and ‘sort your kid out’ before the run free into society, to essentially avoid another Harvey Weinstien or Hitler.
Ok here are some key learnings:
SOME KIDS NEED SPANKING, SOME WON’T
(nb. Jordan Peterson does not advocate spanking as the first choice of discipline. He states in the book, 'minimum force necessary' to teach a child a lesson. If the child is an absolute rascal, spanking must only be done within the right context and 'mercingly'... if that's even a word, I kind of made that up.. anyways read the book! )
If you have immigrant parents, you’ve probably shared survivor stories about how you were beat up as a child. Case in point, Russell Peters lol:
Now spanking is often viewed as ‘corproral punishment’ and it gets a lot of flack because people think bruises, physical abuse and all that. And obviously, research shows that kids exposed to violence at an early age are more likely to act out as an adult.
I’m not going to sit here and claim I know ANYTHING about raising kids. I don’t have a husband, partner and hell I could do with a text back Jason Silva!
But Papa JP refers to is the need to reinforce boundaries and teach kids to learn what is acceptable in society and that there are consequences if you don’t obey the rules.
He’s stance is that some kids will obey with a stern look and a shout, other shits, yours truly, may need a little slap on the wrist.
Only a parent will be able to define the right ‘discipline’, whatever the execution of that is. In short, this s about the need is to sort them out at home before society does. In the long run, a slap on the bum is better than 5 years in jail no?
Balancing Discipline and Love
Everyone has seen a devil toddler in the supermarket wailing because they’re not getting those chocolate biscuits. Papa JP uses this scenario to remind us that even the most loving parents have the capacity to resent their kids.
1:38- 2:09 end (I got that little bastard)
He points out that this is far worse than the alternative of addressing Tommy’s behaviour at the supermarket. Perhaps Mum should’ve taken Tommy outside and let him have it. And say, ok have your fit and when you’re done, you can go back inside.
He’s basically reminding us not to take the easy way out. The need to handle discipline with care, but to also show the kid love.
It reminded me of my dad. The same man that would slap my wrist when I’d throw carrots at the TV, would help me with my math homework and go through each stage of the equation. The same dad that taught me to ride a bike, swim, would also make me eat soap when I would drop an F bomb at 4 years old.
Children are dancing with what they can and can’t get away with.
The premise of this point is, if you don’t act now, if you don’t try and rectify the wrong behaviour, a) the kid is going to think its ok and they will do it again and b) you’re going to resent them and subconsciously ‘pay them back.
Likeable Kids Win
Children who are liked have better lives. They have more friends, aren’t resented by their teachers, get picked for the sports team and have more opportunities later in life. Why? Because people want to be around them,
Research shows that by the age of 4, if a kid hasn’t learned to socialise, they fall behind and more likely to become a lonely, antisocial and depressed teenager.
Here’s some advice Papa JP has for ‘kids’ but can honestly still apply to us:
‘Learn to share, so other kids will play with you. Be good company when something fun is happening, so you’re invited for the fun. Act so that other people are happy you’re around, so that people will want you around. A child who knows these rules will be welcome everywhere.’
Basically, this point is about the need to develop and invest skills of social sophistication.
And the last one:
Friend or Parent
I think sometimes we expect too much from our parents. We want their unconditional love and support, and when we get an inch of ‘constructive criticism’ we get all defensive.
I remember one night I was crying at the dinner table in front of my parents. I said something along the lines of ‘you don’t understand me, I’m never going to tell you guys anything anymore because I just feel like you shut me down’ blah la bla.
Anyways, my dad told me to never stop sharing what was on my mind. Because he, as a child, did not have an open communicative relationship with his father. My dad vowed himself that when he had kids, he would be as open and communicative as he could be.
Here’s what Papa JP says:
A child will have many friends, but only two parents… friends have very limited authority to correct… Parents are the arbiters of society. They teach children how to behave so that other people will be able to interact meaningfully and productively with them
So be thankful for your parents! Yo mamma and papa are just tryna be a good sort and make sure you don’t turn out to be criminal or drug mule.
Ok kids, that was chapter 5. It’s def given me a lot of food for thought for the future little Lizzies. Maybe with Jason Silva if he wants to gimme a buzz haha. OK see you Next week for rule 6 ciao!